I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I need a burrito and a hug.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
