Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You are a genius and a whore.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
