You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
