im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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