forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
