OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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