Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
