My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
