just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
