Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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