Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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