If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
