I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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