if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize