Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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