Betty ford says i'm here all night
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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