When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
