that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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