Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
