is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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