my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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