I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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