Kiss
Puke
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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