i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
