I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
