o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize