I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
