do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
