No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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