Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
