please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
