these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
