So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize