I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
