I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
