im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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