Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
