I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
