We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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