I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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