I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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