Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
so that wasnt chicken after all
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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