i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize