dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
