Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
