Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize