Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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