nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
