the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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