$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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