Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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