you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
