just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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