I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
