mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
