i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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