before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
