I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
