I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
