Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Randomize