hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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