Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
