he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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