i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
