Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
