worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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