i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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