ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
