Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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