Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
