Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just found a bag of teeth...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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