I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
jump out the window naked night went bad
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