It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
