You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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