he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
