My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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