you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
