just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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