There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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