Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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