You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i came on her dog
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
