How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
