Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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