I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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