If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
