I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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