i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
