i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
