so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
birth control should be required to get into college
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize