All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
