Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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