im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
