There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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