Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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