I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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