I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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