READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
