And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
