just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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