Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
