You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
