just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
