we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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