come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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