you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
