Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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